Saturday, August 30, 2008

That is Your Dream Not Mine!!

That is exactly what John said to me, when a friend suggested we come and live with them on their land for a time. Get out of town, into the country. They had plenty of food, so we would never go hungry. And they would show us how to make money.... Without having to work for a company nor having to stay in one place... and teach us how to convert a diesel engine into a veggie engine so we no longer had to worry about gas.

Does he think that I will give up my dreams to fulfill his?

Why cant we both have our dreams and live them together? Isn't that what living the good life together means?

All I want is to be free.

I believe John doesn't want to leave.. Maybe its because his family is here, his friends are here, and his job for the last 7 years is here. He has an umbilical cord attached to all these things. I cut my umbilical cord 4 months ago. I finally had the inner strength to live my life for me. It was very hard to leave everything behind, everyone I had known. I know that those of you who have been following our story since the beginning may know a bit about this. Let me refresh and give you the details I never gave...

Right after a very lonely birthday, I went to Schwagstock and it opened my eyes. I didn't have to live the way my family wanted to me to. I didn't have to take any more shit. My life was going straight down hill. I was even thinking of killing myself again. Yes, I have come very very close to dying by my own hands. It was time for true freedom. Yes, I cut the ties from all my friends, family, and everyone who knew my face or my hair. I didn't go to the store anymore. I wouldn't go anywhere for fear of being sucked back into it. Well, after about a month I finally started to do more, go more places, I even called my sister to wish her happy bday. After that, I knew that I could still live my own life and have some family too. But I wasn't going to let them drag me down. In fact, they didn't even try. We just chose not to talk about certain things. And that's the way it is now. But ever since I cut my ties with them I have felt like the wind..I can go and no one can stop me. I may love John but he will not stop me either. I am glad to have loved him and to have had allot of fun with him. But I will not change my dreams for him. I have worked and hurt too much to just let them go out the window....They can go out the window but I will be following them.

I'm sorry John I am sure that you will be reading this. I really do love you so much. But I am afraid that we are soon to part ways. Our bodies and minds traveled together for a time but I feel there maybe a split in the road coming up ahead. Thank you John for a wonderful 4 months.

I believe everything happens for a reason. I have always thought that but now, since my life has changed so profoundly, I not only believe it but I see it as truth. When something happens, I know it was meant to happen. Sometimes I do not understand why but then after a time it tells me why. I believe in reading the messages, putting them all together and trying to understand them.

Everything happens for a reason and every action has a reaction. Every path you chose to take, takes you somewhere.

My life is guided.

I am not led.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Ranting from the local library

I am writing to you from the local library. Its a hot day out. The wind is warm and barely blows. We are down to very little gas at the moment but hopefully tomorrow we will have a few extra dollars.

I rearranged the van so now it is much more homey. I even took apart the sides of the van where the drink holders are towards the back of the van. That is where we will be building Kiko her cage it will be molded to the wall and around the tire well.

Not allot of exciting news. Just wishing there was somewhere close by that had either a swimming pool or a creek (prefer a creek, I never have like pools). I have been looking, as we drive, for a nice shady, cool spot to park. But have not found any yet. Maybe I am looking on the wrong side of town. I think tomorrow during the heat of the day, while John is at work, I will look on the other side of town and see what other parking spots are available.

I have been getting a bit worried about the police problems that I have been seeing arise. Not just locally but, it seems, everywhere. Some of my van "Family" have been harassed by the police..

Why is it illegal to live in your vehicle?
Are they telling the truth?
Is it really illegal to live in your vehicle?

Do you think the cops look at people who live in their RV's the same as they look at those living in their car or van? Why should they look at us differently? They are both mobile, with wheels. You can have just as nice and cozy a van as you can an RV. And vans cost allot less in purchase price and in gas price. To me the van is the logical choice. If you place your cards right, you can have all the amenities of an RV. From the head room to the toilet.

I am so glad this blogger saves your blogs...I would have just lost all of my ranting to this computer because it decided to shut down the Internet for a bit and well I had to relog in...Thank you Blogger!

Now it seems I have another 30 minutes to talk if I choose to. I have been using most of my extra van time to read a few good novels. Its my favorite pastime! I am reading Cast of Fate at the moment. Cant remember the authors name.

I have decided since I have the use of the library I will look up the laws for us van dwellers and see what I can find, locally and nationally. I don't want to live in the fear that they may make our lives unpleasant. Not that I would mind moving somewhere else, but John has his obligations here.

I don't know if everyone knows or not, but we had bought a reasonably pricey van because of the loss that we had earlier in the year. We are buying the van for 2450, and after this payment coming up on the 5th we will have paid 1300. That leaves us only with 1150.

If you have read Freedomvan you will have read that she is trying to get rid of dept. I have thought about that many times. Should we stay longer and pay off more debts? Or should we not worry about the "bad credit" and just continue as we have been. I really don't think I will ever own anything beyond a van and a few meager belongings. In fact, before we decided to move into a van, I was thinking of leaving everything behind and using my feet to get me home, where ever that might have been. I was tired of that way of life. Always the same things day in and day out. Always going back to the same place with the same yard. I don't want that life of having to work and work for nothing. Never able to enjoy yourself. I would prefer not to work for a company but to work for myself and my own means, or to help others. Not help the richer get richer.

Well my rants have really made this post long. But its about time to go. The clock that keeps ticking down is telling me that I have 16 minutes left to rant....haha..... If anyone lives near me or is going to be near me..even if only for a few hours or days, please come visit with us. I want to meet "new friends" and "new family."

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Finally Full Time Van living

So we finally got the van running. We replaced the solenoid and fixed the battery cables. We have been rotating between staying at the local rest stop and Walmart parking lot. Its really great to finally be completely mobile. The Walmart parking lot is actually a really great place to park. The only down side is the sweeper truck that runs every night. One of the greatest things about these 2 parking spots is they have bathrooms really close that I can use at any time during the night.

During the heat of the day, its too hot to be in the van and with gas prices the way they are, we started spending allot of time at our local library and bookstore. Harrison is a very small town and we thought it would be really hard to find different places to park. But really its not that bad. We will be looking for new places to park soon. Don't want to stay too long in one place.

We ordered a new power cord for my laptop the other day, it should be here in about 3 or 4 days. It will be nice to be able to use my computer whenever I want. Posting will be allot easier that way. One good thing about the computer not working is I have had to find other means of keeping myself occupied. I love to read but I hadn't read much because I was constantly on my computer. Well, when I get the power cord, I am going to make sure that I don't spend every waking moment on it. There are so many other things to do and see.

About the van and its progress, I had been searching for different deals on I found a futon for $65 dollars and a kitchen with stove and all for $100. Well the stove was really nice but it was too big for the van but the futon fit perfectly. We bought two captain chairs that swivel. We haven't put in the chairs yet but the futon fits perfectly and its comfy. The futon is really groovy with a Tye dye mattress. Since we got the futon we have storage under the bed. I still have allot of work to do on the van. I have to reorganize everything and we are going to remove the center table from between our seats and put it in the back for more storage and a night table.

Well, I am at my sisters house using her computer so I guess I Will say bye for now. Just remember that dreams can be realized and imagination is the key.

Sunday, August 17, 2008


You ever get lonely even though there are plenty of ppl around you?

That's how I have been feeling lately. I think it might be that even though our dreams are getting closer and closer, its just not fast enough for me.

I want to leave and I miss our van!! Our van has been broke down for almost a week and there is nothing till tomorrow that we can do to help her. We have been stuck at his parents house sleeping on the sofa. I don't want to be here. Its not because of his parents its because I want to be in our van I want to feel independent not confined. I want to spread my van wings!Maybe that is why I feel so lonely. But I think that even when we do get our van, I will feel sated for the moment but then I think that it will all start again.

Is that the itch you feel when you long for the road?

Our van is at a local convenience store because we couldn't even afford to have it towed. Sometimes I wish I could just go there and stay in the van where it sits.

I long to meet new and interesting ppl. I want to travel say hello, cook them some great food, share music, jokes, and stories of their life and what their future dreams are, stories of their travel. I want to see how they live, and then make them a keepsake before we depart on our separate journeys.

I don't want the memories that I could be having, to pass me by.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Unexpected crossing of the Rainbow Bridge

Sometimes unexpected things happen and some of those unexpected things that happen can be very difficult. For two days, we searched for Dawson. We found him on the second day under the porch. The sight we saw, tore our hearts to pieces. There Dawson laid silent. A dog who was beautiful and we believe he still is beautiful (in our hearts). We will miss him dearly and wonder forever what could have happened. At first, we thought he had been poisoned, but when we went to pick him up and bury him we saw marks on him chest and blood beneath him. It leads us to think that some inhuman person either ran him over or he got into a very bad dog fight. No matter what happened, we are very glad that while he was alive we were able nurse him to heath by giving him food, water, shelter, and allot of love!!

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Van is Home

Yesterday I was laying in the back of the van while John drove us to our parking spot. When he switched on the led running lights that are along the ceiling, I instantly knew there was never going to be anything better than this. This is home. This is where I feel comfortable. I no longer care what is on the inside...I love it just the way it is. On another note, John was talking with his parents when they said all along they had an AC unit, I guess we just needed to ask. LOL we didn't know about it. Well in order to get the unit we have to go through the shed which is filled with wasps. So tonight we will get some spray and kill em all! LOL I have to call an auto body shop and see if someone can cut out the rear bottom of the door so we can fit the ac unit in there. Once that project is done life will be so much easier.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Whatever can go wrong will go wrong....

As the title suggests, we have had a pretty rough time of it this past week. First, we had a flat. Then the battery quit and had to buy a new one. Now the transmission is leaking. Though that will be taken care of tomorrow. Also, we were told about a 79 Winnebago that is fully loaded with a crank generator, everything in great shape, one owner, who by the way, kept excellent records of everything replaced or bought for the RV. The cost, and its hard to believe, $800. Yup that's it. So were thinking of buying it and selling the van. If we buy the RV then we will also buy a small car and trailer to drive back and forth from work. I believe all these things went wrong in the van so we would notice the RV. Without the flat tire, the battery problems, and the transmission, we would have never learned about the RV. After this months payment, we will have paid a total of $1000 on the van. All we can say is keep your head high no matter what happens because in the end everything will be okay. It's all about your attitude to the situation. Though it may seem like we had a horrible week, it was actually a very good week.